Sunday, November 29, 2015

Memes

All I'm gonna do in the next week is make homemade memes. Memes, memes, memes!!!so many memes you won't even know it's me, but it will be the actual me. I betcha everyones gonna be in for a shock! Muahahahahahahahaha!

Oh, and this time when I start posting, I am not gonna stop posting for anything. Anything. ANYTHING. Not like the way I've stopped posting for Important Events in the past. This time I'm not stopping for ANYTHING and I plan to post a meme on Christmas day and Easter and next Thanksgiving and maybe even on election day 2016. That is how self absorbed I am and I am never again gonna pretend not to be that way. Watch out for the memes!

I have a vision of my memes taking over the world like a plague of frogs or something. Let's hope I can generate enough memes to do that!

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Other Idea

My friend just gave me this idea - I want to set a up a reality show style tournament for anyone who is interested in having a new girlfriend. The show will be a contest to see who can beat me in terms of how many times they call, text, or otherwise try to contact the other person,how long they can stay on the phone or talk in person, and their word count of how long they can go on and on and on about someone they're in love with. So far, I have not met anyone who could beat me on these accounts, but I would love to have a tournament for it and get to date the winner! I doubt anyone on the planet could beat me, but I wish someone would.

My 2016 Photo Shoot

As soon as I have time, I desperately need to do a photo shoot of selfies that look really self absorbed and NOT like I'm interested in the world around me like all those college profile pics everyone uses. I want pictures that show the REAL me, which is 100 percent spoiled, entitled, self-absorbed, and the total opposite of someone who's smart and educated and interested in stuff. I need these pictures and I'm going to take them in like a week. A picture is worth a thousand words and this will be so much more effective than changing my name was in terms of everyone seeing me for who I really am. Happy 2016.

Announcement

Henceforth, I will no longer be eating meals with other people, unless the meal is at my house and I am the one making or ordering the food. The ONLY people I will eat within other situations are my parents, a few other family members, and five specific friends who are super consent conscious in situations involving food (if you've ever been invited to my apartment, you are one of those five people). That is it. I will not eat with anyone else ever. That means no strangers, no eating with people's families, no eating with some people in my own family, and that means that if I date someone, they will have to pass my consent consciousness test before I eat with them and I will never ever ever eat with their family no matter how important that is to them, even if it's their grandma's birthday or something. I won't sit at the table or be in any way present when their is a meal involved.

I'm going to a wedding soon. I plan to pack my own lunch, go for a long walk when it's time to eat, and reappear when it's time to dance. Yes I'm serious. I'm not putting up with it anymore ever.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Caution

Caution: Serial blogger doing serial selfie photoshoot in next 96 hours. Ain't gonna recognize your girl at all >:-)

Thankful for 2016.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Announcement

Going forward , I am only engaging in food-free activities with anyone, meaning stuff that does not involve eating any food or having other people chew food around me because chewing food is disgusting and I never want to hear it or witness it anymore going forward.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Tumblr

I woke up this morning and realized I need to get a Tumblr! I don't know why I don't have one already but I need one! My first December project will be getting a Tumblr.

And getting cuddles of course :-)

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

This December

This December is going to be a month of going over everyone's feedback and revising my book. I'm guessing everyone will have had a chance to read it by then (but if not, I'll still have enough feedback to start revising, so no rush).  By the start of 2016, it will be practically ready to send to publishers.

And of course, this December will include lots of Christmastime warm fuzzy cuddles with everyone.

And talking to, visiting, or cuddling with friends every single day of the holiday month, just like I would have back when I lived with my parents or when I had a boyfriend. Exactly the same as always.

And if it snows. I'll just pretend my car is a snowplow when I drive through the blizzard conditions to get to people. I ain't scared of white flakes on the road.

And nothing gross is allowed in the house. Especially vinegar. And work ethic.

And snow is exclusively for sledding, building forts, and having snowball fights. Snow is not for shoveling.

And everything will feel warm and cozy and cuddly just like it did when I was younger.

And it will be the total opposite of last December.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Validation Book Edit Questions

1.      What do you think of the structure and organization of the book? Does the order of the chapters make sense? The order of the topics within each chapter? Does the book have a natural, logical flow?
2.      Is everything clear and easy to understand? Do all of the metaphors and hypothetical examples make sense? Were there any sentences or sections that you had to read a second time to understand?
3.      This is meant to be a mainstream self-help book that people with no background in psychology can read. Do any parts of the book sound too technical, or more like a psychology textbook? Is there anything that needs to be explained more clearly?
4.      This book is meant for people who have not necessarily read blogs about things like affirmative consent, microaggressions, etc. Are there any parts of the book that reference things that everyone would not necessarily know? I want to make sure the book does not sound exclusive, like it is only for a subculture of people rather than a mainstream audience.
5.      This is meant to be an advice book, with the message of, “Here is what you can do to be more validating.” Does every section explain clear, specific ways that you can be more validating? Do you feel like the book is action-oriented, that with each section, you gained concrete advice that you could apply to your everyday interactions with people? Are there any sections that are lacking solutions to the problems addressed?
6.      Is it always clear to you why the issues discussed are important? Are there places where I should use stronger examples of how a particular issue is hurting people?
7.      Are any parts of the book repetitive?
8.      Are there things I touched upon briefly that I should write more about?
9.      Are there things I discuss as universal truths where I should be clearer about individual differences?
10.  I want the focus of this book to be on how you treat other people, rather than putting the responsibility on people to protect themselves. Is this the tone of the book? Are there any traces of victim blaming?
11.  I am trying to market this book to the masses, not just a small group of people who already care deeply about these issues. Does this book succeed at staying true to the purpose while also being friendly, entertaining, and generally pleasant and fun to read? Are there parts where the book sounds accusatory, or where you felt like you were being attacked? Are there parts when I went too overboard in trying to be friendly when I should have sounded more serious about the issues? (I’m not sure what the right balance is here, so any input is welcome).
12.  Technical writing advice is always welcome, as well as errors in spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
13.  We all have different experiences of invalidation, and I’ve drawn a lot on my own experiences for this book. Are there any personal experiences you have had with invalidation that weren’t addressed in the book, that I could add?
14.  If we didn’t know each other and you weren’t doing it as a favor to me, would you honestly buy this book, recommend it to other people, and write a positive review? If not, what would change your mind?



Job Stuff

The first job interview I had post-grad went very badly. I think I did okay at the interview, but I learned a lot of things about the company that were not going to work for me:

1. During our busiest time, everyone was expected to work extra hours Monday through Friday and work half a day on Saturday. This was going to last about 3 months and include my birthday month. (One of the biggest reasons I chose the field I'm in was to have regular Monday through Friday 9-5 hours and not have to work on the weekends).

2. I already knew that the exact job I was applying for had a busy time of year, but this company basically had 2 times of year like that instead of just one. The other busy season was during the summer. While extra hours weren't required during that season, we basically could not use any vacation time during the summer.

3. While the position I applied for was close enough to home, we were going to work at another location for 3 months of the year, which was about an hour or more away. The interviewer told me that with traffic, I could be looking at work days that were 7 to 7, where I'd leave home at 7:00 AM and wouldn't get home till 7:00 PM during those 3 months.

4. My potential manager was very hard on people and several people had quit the job after just 2 weeks because of how the manager treated them. The interviewer said that you needed to have thick skin to work there.

I went home that night and emailed the interviewer saying thank you for the consideration, but I did not think that the job would work out. At the time, I told my boyfriend that what happened was a secret - that if his family or friends asked about the interview, I wanted him to just tell them that I didn't get the job, rather than that I told them no.

The thing is, I lived with my parents at the time. It wasn't like I had my own place or had children and needed to take whatever job I could get to support myself or my family. I was in a situation where I could be as discerning as I wanted to be. And yet, I felt a HUGE amount of pressure to take the job because I didn't have a job or any other offers. This wasn't the only situation like this - I have tons of stories of recruiters pushing me and not respecting my time and my choices, but I never told those stories because I felt like I had to have a job already in order to complain. That was wrong. That was not okay. Sure, I was the only one in my social circle at the time who didn't have a job yet, but there was nothing wrong with that and it should have been no one else's business.

Now that I have a steady job and my own apartment, everything feels different. If I wanted to find a new job, and I found one like the one described above, I would have no problem at all telling other people why I turned it down. When you already have a job, people are much less judgmental about how selective you are. They act like it's okay for you to be selective because you already have a job. It also sounds more socially acceptable to say, "The job I currently have doesn't have any of these issues, so there's no reason to move to a new job that does have those issues." More so than if you just weren't willing to accept those things when you didn't have a job to begin with.

When I think of how I felt back then, back when I didn't have a job but felt pressured to accept any job I could get and to pretend to not be entitled, I just want to say that I never want to be one of those people you can't talk to. I never want to be this person who has a job and therefore expects everyone else to have one at all costs, and looks down on people who don't. I don't ever want anyone to feel like they can't share with me if they want to quit their job or not take a job that they've been offered, no matter what. I don't care if you have a job. I don't care if anyone has a job. I mean, I care in the sense that I want to see my friends happy, so I want to see people find things that make them happy. I want to see people achieve their personal dreams. But I don't have any generic feeling that everyone "should" place having a steady job at the top of their list without regard to what those individual people want. I don't want to be the kind of person that anyone would have to lie to, the way I felt I had to lie to people and say that I didn't get that job that I turned down. You can tell me. I promise. My having a job will never change that.

Hmm...

I've been getting so many warm fuzzy cuddles lately that I might put lotion on my hands this winter so they don't bleed. Contingent of course, but it's looking good.

2016

I'm going to be very busy in the month of November and won't be blogging as much as normal. Busy with fun stuff that is - I would never, EVER say I'm gonna blog less because I'm busy with work or school. Gross!

When it gets to be December, I'm going to think seriously about what I want for 2016 and write a long post about it. 2015 has been a pretty good year. It's also my first full year post breakup. I've been thinking a lot about how bad 2014 was and how I'm committed to not putting up that shit ever again. For my 2016 goals list, I'm basically going to walk through the year 2014, from the time of the apartment betrayal, to the summer stalker issue, to my Christmas video about breathing being too much work, to my choice to be Amelia Untamable, and talk about how I'm never again going to put up with or accept any of the things that happened in 2014 and what I'm going to do about each of them if they come up again. I would write the post now, but I won't have time to think it through properly until December. But come 2016, sweet good girl Nikki will completely cease to exist.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Floating

Hello :-)

So, I don't actually feel like writing a blog post, which is strange, but I realize that I'm at a high risk of having zero blog posts for the month of November, since I'll be very busy during the second half of the month, and I can't have that. Not during my best blogging year on record so far. So...

I've been in a mellow, creative, restful state ever since I finished the validation book. I haven't had the urge to write a lot of new stuff, which is why I haven't done any interesting blog posts. I'm in the mood to just relax for a very long time. But it's a good-feeling state of relaxation. While I don't have the energy to do really big activities or work on major writing projects, I've been watching movies and reading books and fanfiction, and I've been enjoying it. Like, I've been actively engaged in these things, as opposed to being numb or bored. It's been nice. My guess is that it will be a while before I'm blogging again like I was before. Writing a book takes a lot of mental energy.

And speaking of fanfiction, did you know that there were over 300 fanfics of Inside Out on fanfiction.net before the DVD was even out?

I'm really, really excited about the Inside Out/Book Premiere party this weekend. Inside Out is my favorite movie of all time, and I can't even express how much I love Sadness. After this weekend, I'll be able to refer to Sadness and specific details of the movie more freely on my blog without having to worry about movie spoilers. And I'm really looking forward to discussing my book. I have a one-track mind, I've only been thinking about my book since I finished it, and I've pretty much just been wanting to talk about my book for like six hours straight. I've already had the initial "Yay I finished!" celebrations, but this will be much deeper because we'll actually get to talk about the book itself. One of the nice things about non-fiction is that it doesn't have spoilers like fictional stories do, so it's fine to talk about everything even if everyone hasn't finished the whole book. And combining it with Inside Out is just absolutely perfect because I feel like Sadness wrote the book. I really do. Especially the very last chapter, I feel like Sadness just took over the controls and told me what to write. I am essentially Sadness explaining the world to Joy. That's it. That's all there is to it. I'm Sadness, and Joy is my target audience.

It's a weird thing, but I feel like after I went into my super focused mode of writing my book, my brain sort of woke up or something. Even though I'm too tired to write much, I feel much more engaged in the movies I watch, music I listen to, and books I read than I did before I went into that super focused mode. I feel like my brain is awake like it was before college. I'm probably going to play with my toys and reread all my old books and do other kid interests. I think that's what I'm in the mood for.

Anyway, I did have a long list of blog posts that I sort of put on hold while I was writing the validation book, including a piece about the differences between INFP and INFJ, the difference between someone completing your life vs. completing you, and a long piece about all the symbolism in Inside Out and what it means to me. (I've seen it at least 10 times now, and I'm still noticing new details with each viewing). I'll write those things at some point.

I'm also resting in anticipation for other events that I have coming up this month. I want my life to stay pretty mellow for at least the next week or so. I anticipate that at the start of December, I will also want to do calm things and it will be at least several weeks before I want to do any big events. But I'll know for sure when that time comes.

I almost feel like I'm floating in a bubble right now, a few steps removed from reality. The thing is, it shouldn't feel weird to me, because this is how I want to feel, this is how I like to feel, and I don't ever want to be grounded in reality or all the way engaged in reality. This floating in a bubble feeling was normal for me when I was younger. It just feels weird now because it's been so long. But this is absolutely where I want to stay.

Note to self: Never start dating a new person while in a super-focused writing state because it will give them the false impression that:
1. I'm self-sufficient and am normally so engaged in a personal project that I'm okay not spending tons of time together every day. That's not me. This state of mind just happens for maybe a few weeks once a year.
2. I'm the kind of person who does not post lots and lots of angry things on Facebook, enough to flood everybody's newsfeed. Seriously, I'm just in a dreamy, disconnected phase right now. I will be back full force. (Of course, FB memories are nice because I can just repost them while stating that they are still true).

So yeah, it's different than normal, but in the sense of being separated from reality, I'm looking to stay separated forever, the way that I used to be when I was a kid. I never plan to get grounded in reality.